Abigail's transformation from hero to zero to one

"-Amateur" (amateur)
06/02/2016 at 12:56 • Filed to: None

Art is not who made it, how it looks, but how it makes you feel. Welcome to a long overdue update on my eternal project car.

You can see the wheel lift off the ground ever so slightly

The car came off the assembly line as a run of the mill 1995 Chevrolet Beretta with an earth shattering, god defying 120 hp inline 4 mated to an isuzu derived 5 speed. What the people building my car didn’t know was that they helped build memories, a forged relationship with man and machine.

Seatbelt hanging out was a nice touch

What you see and is what I saw when I first laid eyes on her in 2010, utter rubbish a pandora’s box of possibility. I already had a brand new Kia Rio and quite frankly had zero need for this. I had a Cayenne Red ‘95 Beretta as a high school car so the nostalgia hit home. Plus I took public transportation and walked a few miles to see it so I kind of wanted to drive it back because I was hot, tired, and probably severely dehydrated. I’m not a doctor so what do I know.

I bought the car during the end of my active duty commitment in the Marines.I crashed in Vegas for a semester of school and then drove the car all the way to my home in Illinois. The car had like 180,000 miles and ran so I just rolled the dice cross country and I didn’t get stranded.

Beretta equipped with European OEM headlamps.

Now car enthusiast know this feeling in spades. I look at the car and I have this unquenchable need to flat out make it a better machine. I knew this car wasn’t going to be a straight line screamer so I focused on uncontested handling superiority.

So I flew in some parts overnight from Japan to prep it for race wars. Went for stiffer shocks/struts, bushings, and an oversized rear sway which quickly turned into an oversized front bar too to even it out. The tail end kicked out agressively due to making a protected yellow turn on an very uneven street. A dab of oppo saved it.

With all that jazz out of the way, time to make it earn its keep. I took it around to random racing events in the area. Went road rallying up in Wisconsin and our team came dead last. It may have to do with completely missing a turn and going way off course.

Of course I had to go autocrossing with it. Hands down, the ultimate way to test Abigail’s mettel with handling helping out big time.

Not too shabby for a then 17 year old car

The GM L-body chassis is a very overlooked car for anything race related but the car that was in no way related to the street version actually raced extensively in the IMSA GTU series in the the late 80s, early 90s.

So as with any project, I ended up throwing more and more money at Abigail to make it better and better.

I ended up spending more than what I paid for the car itself on a Quaife limited slip among other “necessities.”

Let’s not forget the time I installed a big brake kit in the middle of a blizzard. This car has clearly turned me into a madman like Viktor creating Frankenstein.

I mean I totally went off the rails with some of the things I did. I dub this experiment the “Aeroretta.” Similar to the Charger Daytonas and Superbirds, I plastered on a more aerodynamic nose. I have no experience with fiberglass, painting or anything and one day I just decided to do this. I used sheer willpower and a Saturn front end to create this perfectly imperfect monstrosity.

I also wanted to cram in a GM N-body rear IRS in place of the torsion beam. We don’t talk about that.

Like Frankenstein, the car has seen neglect by its master because life sometimes takes the helm planting you in reality, away from the dream I always seem to find myself working with this car. Also the engine committed seppuku so it wasn’t drivable anymore.

They say people die twice. Once when we are buried, another when a living person says your name for the last time. Like hell will I be burying Abigail. I made it a personal mission to bring it back to life.

I hand sanded and rattle canned the car with a plastidip gloss finish. It’s a project car, I can do these kind of things.

Also got Abby a new heart. 57,000 miles for $500. How could I lose. BTW, that Radio Flyer trucked me around when I was a kid. Good times.

Original engine getting chauffeured for a core exchange.He’s a funny guy, wants to be a Doctor.

I pulled out the old guts and put the new one in. I don’t normally use rope for things like this but if it’s rated for a working load of 500 lbs, then why the hell not. Then engine is actually quite “light.”

I added a Mustang Mach 1 front lip which was a match made in heaven. I just did it because it looks cool.

I also had a change of heart and rattle can painted her using rustoleum for $32. It’s a project car, I can do things like that.

I still have to install the side skirts and take car of other odds and ends but this car has a lot of sentimental value to me. It’s not the car but the memories made with it that define what it means to us. This car is fun to drive and fun to work on. I’m not perfect, the car is not perfect but together, we are average at best.

DISCUSSION (17)

Party-vi > -Amateur
06/02/2016 at 13:07

This is wonderful Oppo.

CalzoneGolem > -Amateur
06/02/2016 at 13:11

Abigail is Jalop as fuck.

marvthegrate > -Amateur
06/02/2016 at 13:11

I think you’re insane, but this was outstanding!

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > -Amateur
06/02/2016 at 13:12

Beretta! I love Berettas!

I admire your dedication to that car. Awesome work, and entertainingly written.

Stapleface > -Amateur
06/02/2016 at 13:13

Great post. I briefly owned an 88 Beretta with the 2.8. I didn’t hate the car. The latter ones with the 3.1 were actually kind of peppy. I'm interested to see where you take this.

RallyWrench > -Amateur
06/02/2016 at 13:14

Love it. Way to stick with her, man. I’ve always liked the way these things look in GTU and GTZ form, they’re a tidy little coupe.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > -Amateur
06/02/2016 at 13:15

What were we not supposed to talk about? the suspension swap? how did that go?

-Amateur > Stapleface
06/02/2016 at 13:30

I kind of go where the bender takes me with this one, I’m also interested to see where it takes me!

-Amateur > RallyWrench
06/02/2016 at 13:32

Right there with you, they looked really good for their time

kanadanmajava1 > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms
06/02/2016 at 13:35

I like them too. I haven’t seen one in years but I did see couple Corsicas during the last couple of weeks though.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > -Amateur
06/02/2016 at 15:11

This...this is really good Oppo.

Edit: Guess party thinks so too!

Junkrat aka Rick Sanchez: Fury Road Edition > -Amateur
06/02/2016 at 15:35

My dad bought my sister a new one in 89. She managed to fail out of college the first semester in 91. He took the car back, cut the body off, and then built a pro mod car out of it. It was kind of an extreme reaction, but he did get a race car out of it. I think that was his plan all along, but she fast-tracked the decision. It was much better as a drag car.

gmctavish needs more space > -Amateur
06/02/2016 at 15:41

Awesome. My girlfriends dad had a manual Beretta as his first new car, I don’t remember what year. Just that it was replacing a ‘76 Continental, which is a truly bizarre change

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > -Amateur
06/02/2016 at 20:59

I love these stupid 80's GM turds. Any plans for an engine upgrade like a 3.8?

-Amateur > AMGtech - now with more recalls!
06/06/2016 at 10:20

I know people who’ve dropped in supercharged 3800s, it’s just the weight up front would really throw off the handling characteristics I’ve got going. I’m probably swinging with a milder high comp piston package or a flat out standalone ecu and turbo the hell out of it.

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > -Amateur
06/06/2016 at 10:26

Of course. Makes sense. Perhaps a better 4, like from a cobalt ss?

LongbowMkII > -Amateur
10/06/2016 at 14:18

I had a beretta. 2.8/auto It died from autox.